Want To Write It Yourself?
Tell Your Story -- and Get Personal
Copyright The Grand Rapids Press May 6, 2007
Deb Moore / Special to The Press
As a personal historian, I help ordinary, everyday people write their life stories and preserve them as books. I have the privilege to hear
people's most cherished memories, thoughts and feelings.
One woman, whose first baby was born during World War II, told me about giving birth at a time when a new mother stayed in the hospital 10 days
with her baby. Only husbands were allowed to visit, and her husband was in the Navy.
"I was there for 10 days alone," she said. "I cried and cried, I was so lonely."
This anecdote is just a tidbit from her 100-page memoir, commissioned by her daughter. A few weeks after the book was done, the daughter e-mailed me:
"My 24-year-old son, who never reads anything that doesn't have to do with hunting and fishing, sat down by the fire and read Grandma's book for several hours."
That's the power of personal stories and how they link generations of families and make history come alive.
Remember -- the word "story" is the most important part of "history." Your life experiences can link the past to future generations
-- a priceless gift for loved ones that will be treasured beyond material goods.
By recording your experiences of living through certain times in certain places, your children, grandchildren and even your great-
grandchildren will be able to see the past through your eyes, enriching them immeasurably.
They will have a model for overcoming hardships or seizing opportunities because you were willing to share the lessons you learned and the values you developed.
You will be more than a name on a family tree -- you will be a living, breathing, feeling human.
And there are benefits to you as well. Recording your personal or family history helps put your life's journey in perspective and offers insights into the themes and meaningful events in your life. It's a process that can touch you deeply and create a strong feeling of satisfaction for a life well-lived.
Here are more memories I've heard:
-- From a man raised in Wyoming, Mich., during the Great Depression: "People did a lot of 'horse-trading' in those days. For instance, to pay for my dental work, Mother convinced an East Grand Rapids' dentist to care for my teeth in exchange for yard work. Every Saturday, I rode my bike from the Chicago Drive-Burlingame Avenue area to East Grand Rapids and back to cut his lawn and trim his bushes."
-- From a local man who was spared from the Nazi invasion of Warsaw during World War II: His mother was a dentist and pulled the impacted tooth of a Russian spy. The spy had no money, but told her that he could tell her an important secret instead. He said to get a horse and buggy, pack a few things and flee the city, for fighting would erupt soon. She heeded his advice and fled 200 miles to Krakow with her baby the next day, thus saving their lives.
-- From a retired doctor, raised on a farm in Zeeland: "My advice to my children and grandchildren is to keep smiling, dwell on the positives rather than the negatives, and don't give up on God. Every night before I go to sleep, I thank God for the best five things that I experienced that day. Stay alert for God's plan in your life, pick good friends, and you will get the same divine direction that I received. As the Danish proverb says, 'What you are is God's gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God.'"
I've heard many stories and reflections like these, each painting a vivid portrait. Everyone has a story to tell. Mark Twain said it well: "There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy and a tragedy."
Celebrate holidays with stories
Are today's kids able to imagine riding their bikes 20 miles to do yard work in exchange for having their teeth cleaned? Or will they hardly give a thought to their expensive orthodontic work, all covered by dental insurance? Can they imagine fleeing Grand Rapids because of an oncoming military invasion?
Our lives are so different today from those of our parents and grandparents just a generation or two ago. With families often scattered across the country, the opportunities to hear family stories first-hand have diminished. And think about this: Do kids know more about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie than they do about their own grandparents?
May is personal history month. Use that and Mother's Day and Memorial Day as springboards to capture some of your family stories. Perhaps you're lucky, and your mother and your grandmother are still alive. Ask them stories about their youths, their everyday lives as mothers, their aspirations, what lessons they have learned from life.
Maybe your mother has passed on. You can still write about lessons she taught you, stories that illustrate her character, times you should have listened to her, or even, what you wish you knew about your mother.
On Memorial Day, we honor and remember those who have gone before us in service to their country. Expand on that notion and spend some time in conversation with a veteran, maybe your father or grandfather, recording their experiences both in the military and in their careers and home life.
What was a special time they spent with their fathers? What are the memorable events of their lives? What advice do they have to give? What religious or spiritual beliefs have shaped them?
Not just for old folks
Personal history month isn't just about older people telling stories a different era. It's about today, too. No matter if you're 10 years old, 35, 68 or 90, you have stories to tell about yourself or to discover about a parent or grandparent.
Write about your family background; neighborhood friends and play; schooling; how you met, dated and married your spouse; your children; career; church involvement; community service; military service; special friends; hobbies; travels; family celebrations; grandchildren and retirement.
Talk about what the fads were when you were in school. What mischief did you get into as a youngster? Was there an experience that changed your life? What are your warmest family memories? Is there a special prayer, Bible verse, song, or poem that has particular meaning for you? What do you know that no one else knows?
The topics are endless. Write, or use a tape recorder or video camera to record your sessions for posterity. It's easy to forget the details of a story told to you as time goes by. Use technology, but remember that it changes rapidly and always make a written copy of your stories, conversations and interviews.
The Association of Personal Historians is a group of 700 members worldwide committed to their motto, "Saving Lives, One Story at a Time." As professionals, they are available to help people tell their life stories in print, audio, video, CD-ROM, DVD, scrapbooks or a Web site. Visit their Web site at personalhistorians.org to find tools that you can use to write your memoirs, such as lists of questions to ask yourself before you begin, tips for interviewing relatives and how to self-publish your memoirs.
What's your drama, your comedy, your tragedy? Begin to tell it this month.
About the Essayist
Deb Moore's pursuit of family history was sparked by a baby book she received when her daughter Sara was born in 1973.
As she tried to fill out the book's family tree, she started a genealogical search to find more of her ancestor's names.
"From there, it was a pretty logical extension for me to start collecting photos and stories and visiting grave sites," she said.
In her research, Moore confirmed a family rumor that her great- great-grandmother came from Borneo, an island in Southeast Asia. Her great-great-grandfather met her when he was in the Dutch East Indies with the Dutch army. He died on a ship en route to the Netherlands, but his best friend brought his daughter to the Netherlands and raised her there.
That girl -- Moore's great grandmother -- came to Grand Rapids at the age of 23 with her son, who became Moore's grandfather.
Moore's own history is firmly rooted in Grand Rapids. She grew up here and attended Immaculate Heart of Mary Elementary School and Catholic Central High School.
She was a special education teacher in the Grand Rapids Public Schools for 33 years before retiring in 2006. Now, she works part- time helping others write their personal histories. She has written 13 memoirs for others, in addition to the histories she has written for her parents and grandparents.
Moore, 55, and her husband, Terry, live in Southeast Grand Rapids and have two daughters, Sara, 33, and Emily, 30.
10 Tips for Writing Your Own Life Story
1) Pretend that you're a screenwriter making a film about your life. List ten scenes that should be included in the movie. As you list these important events or turning points of your life, think of what has challenged you, formed you and influenced you to be the person you are today.
2) Start writing one of these scenes. Don't worry about how it sounds. Write from your heart, not your head. Do not stop to correct spelling or grammar - just write as if you were telling this story to a close friend or a grandchild. This is called narrative writing.
3) As you write, think of the details that will make your story come alive for the reader. What were you wearing? What did you look like then? Describe the furniture in the room. What color, year and make was that car? Pick details that capture the essence of what you're describing.
4) Appeal to the senses: what did it look like, what did it feel like, what sounds can you hear, what smells can you remember? Write about the sounds you heard in the garden. What did the earth feel like? Describe the smell of Grandma's homemade pie fresh out of the oven. What songs did you and your husband listen to while courting?
5) Mix scenes with summary. Expand on the more important aspects of your story and summarize the rest. The rule here is "Show, don't tell." Let your scenes show what happened, rather than telling what happened.
6) Add dialogue. What did you say? What did the others reply? Include inner dialogue as well.
7) Use strong verbs and concrete nouns.
8) Add some reflections and musings. Looking back in time, what have you learned from what happened? Share your wisdom and give your story some perspective.
9) Go back and clean up: correct your grammar, check your spelling, check your facts, eliminate extra words.
10) Share your story. Take advantage of computers and copy machines to make books or booklets to share with family and friends.